was over on my calories today but really i don’t think it is too much because i burned almost 900 calories at the race today soooo i’m not going to even give a second thought to eating 1750 calories today. my lunch wasn’t the best - two slices of free post-race papa john’s pizza (at that point i would eat anything, i was so hungry) and a pint of sierra nevada pale ale. my breakfast was a slice of whole wheat bread with peanut butter and then 30 mins before i started running i ate a banana.

for dinner i just made two eggs with fuckloads of frozen broccoli, spinach, and onion (trying to compensate for my lack of vegetables earlier in the day) in a whole wheat tortilla and a cup of strawberries. last minute cramming to get those produce servings in but whatever! better late than never.

i had to take a nap when i got home, that much sun knocked me out. i still feel groggy. definitely an early bed time ahead of me.

so i might have gotten a little bit of sun at the race today…

it was brutally hot and there was ZERO shade to shelter us. at every single water station i drank a cup and poured a cup over my head. there were also volunteers with water guns spraying people, and residents were out front in their yards with their water hoses offering sprays. it was tough, but we did it. our team time was around 5:09. not great, not horrible. for the heat, i’ll take it.

more in depth recap later.

all set for tomorrow’s race. eeeeeeeee so excited!

i went a little bit overboard on the chips and salsa at dinner but it wasn’t completely horrible and to compensate i just had a cup of chicken soup with vegetables as my dinner. and one dos equis. consider this carbo loading.

totally did my sparkpeople strength training plan. now i’m showered and ready for relay team dinner! woohoo

alright, well it’s for real back to counting calories for me. the past two days have been good and i’ve been eating well, lots of produce. i did drink last night, but i kept it in check and instead of beer i went with vodka soda. i had three and was home and in bed by midnight. i did go over on my calories a bit, was sitting around 1800, but i’m not worried because i was pretty low the previous two days.

today i need to go pick up the packet for BEACH TO BAY!!!! i’m really excited and also kind of nervous. this is the biggest relay event in the united states. i have no idea what to expect. at least it’s supposed to be relatively cloudy tomorrow, so maybe that will ease some of the texas heat. my leg is the last leg (hottest) and it’s also the longest (4.89 miles) soooo we’ll see what happens.

after tomorrow, i am going to stop focusing my fitness efforts on running so much. i think i need to do that to make me love it again. i feel as though it’s become somewhat of a chore. so i’m still going to run, maybe once or twice a week, but i’m going to mix in swimming, biking, zumba, and strength training now, as well. strength 2-3x a week and cardio at least 4 times.

i got up early yesterday and ran before work and it was uhhhmaaaaazing. seriously. why on earth would i ever run after work? it’s hot and humid. at 6:45AM it was cool and lovely. AND i got that shit out of the way and didn’t have to worry about getting my exhausted ass out the door when i got home. chyeaaaa.

i had an amazing breakfast this morning. two eggs, spinach, onion, broccoli, tapatio sauce, and guacamole in a whole wheat tortilla. YUM. FILLING. LESS THAN 450 CALORIES. that’s the kind of breakfast i need more of.

well i was supposed to go into work this morning but the thing got canceled so i think i might get my errands done then take a nap. very exciting.

….this is the first time i’ve felt truly positive in weeks.

my week at home has made me realize just how unhappy i am. my job is making me miserable. literally, MISERABLE. i hate everything. this is not like me. i am normally a happy person who doesn’t really get down over much. these days i hate everyone, i hate my job, i hate, well, everything. so much bullshit. i need to get out asap.

i’ve been drinking a lot lately. i guess it’s been my way of coping with all the bullshit. don’t get me wrong, i’m not going out and getting plastered every night. but i’d say within the past two weeks, i’ve had at least one beer/glass of wine at least 12 of those days. this needs to stop. sometimes when i go out, i’m only doing it because someone has kind of guilt tripped me into going out. no more. fuck you, i need to focus on me. i’m tired of trying to make everyone else happy, what about me? i need to be happy, too.

i’ve gained a bunch of weight, i feel terrible mentally and physically, and i need to find my center again. the starting point is getting out of my job. this is the root of all my stress right now. the sooner i’m gone, the better. i just need to find something else, whether permanent or temporary, to replace it.

..this morning. it was hard. had to walk twice, only a total of like 3 minutes though. it was really humid and i felt really dehydrated. i woke up at 6:30am and got it done, though. 1:07:41. around an 11:15 pace.

went grocery shopping and am ready for a week of healthy eating. i hope. i’ve got chicken in the crock pot, produce in the fridge, and beans and nuts in the cabinet. i made guacamole too.

i think i need some mad men and a nap now!

how low do you have to sink before you finally decide you’re fed up and NEED a change. internally and externally.

i’m spending my day cleaning my room, my house, and my mind. and then maybe i’ll sit by a pool. in a one piece. because i feel disgusting.

ran my 8k this morning, first place in my age group. i’ll leave out the fact that i was the only one in my age group… oh wait, oops. hahah, i totally don’t even care. my time was 50:27, so i was :27 past my goal but it was a TOUGH run. i haven’t run that many miles since the half marathon so to maintain very close to a 10:00 pace i am totally happy with.

now it’s nap time, getting up at 5:30am sucks.

stayed home from work. i don’t even want to talk about anything anymore. i am NOT this negative person, i hate what this situation has turned me into.

okay, health. let’s talk about health. i got a health screening yesterday that measured a variety of things. turns out i am 31% body fat. not cool. it’s still considered in the ‘normal’ range but on the high end. that’s something i’d like to work on. i did some calculations and to get to 20% body fat i have about 17 pounds of FAT to lose. SEVENTEEN POUNDS. OF FAT. that just sounds yucky.

on the brightside, though, i have good blood pressure, excellent cholesterol, and great glucose levels. so the only health semi-issue i’m facing is that i should lose some weight. not even for my health, since i’m healthy, but just to feel good.

for lunch i made some asparagus and eggplant. here’s what i did with the eggplant and it was pretty fucking tasty:

• slice eggplant pretty thin
• dip in flour (i used white whole wheat)
• dip in egg
• dip in bread crumbs (i used italian flavored bread crumbs)
• add salt and pepper
• baked for 20-25 minutes

It was good. For half the eggplant with about 1/4 cup of bread crumbs and one egg it’s 250 calories-ish. and i only ate about 1/3 of what i made. i haven’t eaten much today, only about 600 calories. i’m just not that hungry, stress is gettin’ to me. i want a mimosa and a big salad, really. i could eat a big salad right now.